I'll get a full review done once I've had sufficient time to digest the whole game, but as I stand now, I've only played through the first three gardens, two times each. I did just buy the game a few hours ago, you know. I don't get advance review copies (I can dream).
Out of sheer laziness, rather than type up anything new, I'm just going to type up the recordings I made as I played. It's more entertaining to write, so hopefully it's more entertaining to read as well. Tell me if you like it. Here you go:
0 Minutes In: I've never done drugs, but the PS3's menu background for this game is tripping me out.
5 Minutes In: Why can't I throw my silk out like Spider-Man as I fall? Dude, not cool. Maybe I'll get used to it as I go.
6 Minutes In: Nope. I should be able to Spider-Man my way around. Developers, patch that shit in.
10 Minutes In: Okay, this is pretty fun. Got my first Spectra...thing; kind of unhappy that it just booted me out back to the level select after that though. Would've been nice to explore more.
11 Minutes In: Garden 02 is awesome. Great music, loving the red background here. If there's a garden in Eden specifically designed for hot, hot lovemaking, this must be it.
14 Minutes In: Still not happy with it booting me out to the hub world once I get one of those Spectra things. Besides, who named those anyway? Wasn't that the evil organization in the old James Bond movies?
18 Minutes In: I've already got to backtrack to old levels? Lame.
20 Minutes In: Never mind. They're still fun.
24 Minutes In: Wow. I was about to grab a second Spectra to end the level and some little bitch comes out of nowhere and knocks me down to the bottom. So not cool.
26 Minutes In: OH MY GOD. He did it again. What is your problem, bro? I haven't done anything to you. In most games, yeah, I understand why dudes are attacking me. You though... totally unprovoked. And now time ran out. I have to start over. Awesome.
32 Minutes In: That's it. Gloves are coming off. I'm going to find your family and use my silk strand of justice on them.
33 Minutes In: Holy shit; I can kill those things? I did not know that. That was easy. Well, now that I'm completely unopposed, I can just mosey on up to the next Spectra. Ha!
34 Minutes In: Okay, you had friends. No matter, because I freaking ninja'd past them. What now, bitches?
36 Minutes In: I think it's going to become annoying having to trek up all these plants every time I want to go to the next level, especially since they get farther and farther away each time.
40 Minutes In: These enemies are insane. If I don't completely destroy them the first time, they just reform their remaining bits and fly off, then come back at the worst possible moments once I've forgotten about them. Jesus. I can just imagine them cackling and twirling their mustaches as they tie my girlfriend to some train tracks.
47 Minutes In: I really hate this time limit. Why do games even have time limits anymore? It didn't work in echochrome and it doesn't work here. Just give me a mode where I can explore a level freely. Rez got that perfect; it had a mode where you were invincible and could just play without any fear of dying.
56 Minutes In: All right, well, I'm done for now. This game really seems like it's meant to be played in short bursts considering that you have to replay the same levels over and over and they take longer each time you play them.
Out of sheer laziness, rather than type up anything new, I'm just going to type up the recordings I made as I played. It's more entertaining to write, so hopefully it's more entertaining to read as well. Tell me if you like it. Here you go:
0 Minutes In: I've never done drugs, but the PS3's menu background for this game is tripping me out.
5 Minutes In: Why can't I throw my silk out like Spider-Man as I fall? Dude, not cool. Maybe I'll get used to it as I go.
6 Minutes In: Nope. I should be able to Spider-Man my way around. Developers, patch that shit in.
10 Minutes In: Okay, this is pretty fun. Got my first Spectra...thing; kind of unhappy that it just booted me out back to the level select after that though. Would've been nice to explore more.
11 Minutes In: Garden 02 is awesome. Great music, loving the red background here. If there's a garden in Eden specifically designed for hot, hot lovemaking, this must be it.
14 Minutes In: Still not happy with it booting me out to the hub world once I get one of those Spectra things. Besides, who named those anyway? Wasn't that the evil organization in the old James Bond movies?
18 Minutes In: I've already got to backtrack to old levels? Lame.
20 Minutes In: Never mind. They're still fun.
24 Minutes In: Wow. I was about to grab a second Spectra to end the level and some little bitch comes out of nowhere and knocks me down to the bottom. So not cool.
26 Minutes In: OH MY GOD. He did it again. What is your problem, bro? I haven't done anything to you. In most games, yeah, I understand why dudes are attacking me. You though... totally unprovoked. And now time ran out. I have to start over. Awesome.
32 Minutes In: That's it. Gloves are coming off. I'm going to find your family and use my silk strand of justice on them.
33 Minutes In: Holy shit; I can kill those things? I did not know that. That was easy. Well, now that I'm completely unopposed, I can just mosey on up to the next Spectra. Ha!
34 Minutes In: Okay, you had friends. No matter, because I freaking ninja'd past them. What now, bitches?
36 Minutes In: I think it's going to become annoying having to trek up all these plants every time I want to go to the next level, especially since they get farther and farther away each time.
40 Minutes In: These enemies are insane. If I don't completely destroy them the first time, they just reform their remaining bits and fly off, then come back at the worst possible moments once I've forgotten about them. Jesus. I can just imagine them cackling and twirling their mustaches as they tie my girlfriend to some train tracks.
47 Minutes In: I really hate this time limit. Why do games even have time limits anymore? It didn't work in echochrome and it doesn't work here. Just give me a mode where I can explore a level freely. Rez got that perfect; it had a mode where you were invincible and could just play without any fear of dying.
56 Minutes In: All right, well, I'm done for now. This game really seems like it's meant to be played in short bursts considering that you have to replay the same levels over and over and they take longer each time you play them.
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